"Sometimes I feel that way."

Now it's all about getting out.

The time when I needed you the most, you weren't there. And if you're doing it intentionally for some bigger reason, then that's bullshit.

Because no one knows. No one. Except for you, and I don't know much of anything anymore.

I'm tired of waiting. I need to get out.

It's not really fair to me, and I know it's certainly not fair for you. But we need to start doing things entirely for ourselves, and you've already started doing that. I can't sit here and hear the clock's rhythmic, endless ticking and not do anything about it anymore. I am going crazy with secret hopes of failing out, or at least getting put on academic suspension so I don't have to come back until next autumn when the leaves will be heartbreakingly beautiful and I will feel entirely where I want to be. I want you to come with me, but that's inviable. God I wish you could though. I just want to be free, or as free as humanly possible, because that's where I belong. You're the only problem, because I'm attached now. I want to be proactive, I want to do something about this, but the ball isn't in my court. Joey always had this wanderlust and he almost acted upon it....but I stopped him. I can't believe I took this fire and I brushed it out. In nineteen years, this is the longest we have ever been apart, it's such an odd concept to think about. He may be one of the few people who would ever understand how I feel at this point in my life. I keep having heartbreaking conversations with him about actually getting out of this place, of this track in society......but I met you. You're the only thing that is really holding me back. I wasn't looking for this, and neither were you. I just want you to be mine, all mine, and really that would make me entirely happy....or as happy as I could be through this winter. Because watching the snow fall with you is something I've always dreamed of, dreamed of for years now. But I might just have to leave and I don't know what I'd do. I couldn't realistically ask you to come with me, because you know how fickle people get. We're too young for things like this, but at the same time I can't help entertaining the fantasy. I can't be in one spot for too long, that much I know. I can't handle this prison-like monotony. We don't even go on adventures anymore, and that's what I really need, ya know? I need adventure in my life, I need beauty. I need risk. I'm taking one right now by being involved with you, but that's all I got right now.  I want to go back to the days where I ran barefoot through fields, where I could feel the sun on my skin, where one fleeting glance was enough to sweep me off my feet and make my hands numb, I want to feel alive again, I want to feel real. It has to change, it has to change.

"Layla, I'm crazy about you."

No one has ever said that to me in my life.

I'm falling, and I want to yell it. I want to yell your name from all the rooftops in Springfield, from all the rooftops in Massachusetts, from all the rooftops in America!

I never thought this could be possible, but it is. I found it. I really found this time. And it really is what I think it is! I knew things would happen for me eventually. You are the most beautiful person I know, and I love watching you, everything you do. You look like a Brittish-American actor, especially when you wear all those crazy things. I love it when you bring me beautiful leaves and a kiss before my next class, and I don't know how I got so lucky to say that you're mine. But you're mine. You're all mine. I can honestly say that I have never been able to say that before about a single person. When you talk in your Australian accent I die, every time. When you tell me something new about me is cute everyday I die. When you kiss me, I die. They should make a movie about us.